Friday, October 31, 2008

Let me know when you get all of the answers. :)

Why do phone companies give you a number to call if your phone doesn't work?

 

If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding what is it expanding into?

 

Corn oil is made from corn, Olive oil is made from olives, so what does baby oil come from?

 

Why don’t roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?

 

Why do you often see a shoe lying on the side of the street?

 

What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

 

Why is abbreviation such a long word?

 

Why do we put suits in a garment bag and garments in a suitcase?

 

If a cow laughed would milk come out its nose?

 

Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injection?

 

How come you never hear about grunted employees?

 

If a parsley farmer is sued can he garnish his wages?

 

Did Washington just flash a quarter for his ID?

 

Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren't going as ghosts but as mattresses?

 

Why do we have to dry raincoats?

 

Does chewing gum lose its flavor on the bed post overnight?

 

Why do doughnuts have holes?

 

Why is there an expiration date on SOUR cream?

 

How can there be self-help groups?

 

Why does your nose run and your feet smell?

 

Why do we call it a hamburger when it is made from beef?

 

Why do they call it quicksand when it sucks you down slowly?

 

If you're born again do you have two belly buttons?

 

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

 

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation or a murder?

 

Why do corn flakes and Sugar frosted flakes have the save number of calories per serving?

 

Where do all the missing socks go?

 

Why does the psychic hotline ask for your credit card number? Shouldn't they already know it?

 

Why does slow down and slow up mean the same thing?

 

If air travel is so safe, why do they call it a "terminal"?

 

Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?

 

Just before someone gets nervous do they experience cocoons in their stomachs?

 

Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?

 

What does the Q in Q-tip stand for?

 

If a mute swears does his mother wash his hands with soap?

 

Why doesn't onomatopoeia sound like what it is?

 

If the cops arrest a mime do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

 

How do they get deer to cross at the yellow sign?

 

What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?

 

If something was miss-spelled in a dictionary how would we know

 

Where do swear words come from?

 

Was the only reason God gave us a shin is to find things in the dark?

 

Why is it that when you transport something by car it is called a shipment but when you transport something by ship it is called cargo?

 

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

 

Does a fish get cramps after eating?

 

If fire fighters fight fires and crime fighters fight crime, what do freedom fighters fight?

 

If you're an atheist and swear on the bible, have you committed perjury?

 

If horrific is akin to horrible, why isn't terrific akin to terrible?

 

Why is it when a door is open it's ajar but when a jar is open isn't not adoor?

 

If it is zero degrees outside today and it is supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

 

If nothing ever sticks to Teflon, how do they get Teflon to stick to the pan?

 

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

 

If someone with multiple personalities robs a bank who is charged with the crime?

 

Why do old men wear their pants higher than young men do?

 

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

 

If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia can you read all right?

 

Why is yawning contagious?

 

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

 

Why do banks charge you a " non sufficient funds" fee on money they already know you don't have?

 

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, than who is the fool who said, "Quit while you're ahead"?

 

Is there another word for synonym?

 

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

 

If a man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

 

Why don't we get goosebumps on our face?

 

Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent?

 

Why is it when you get from here to there, you're still here and not there?

 

What are preparations A-G?

 

Why do men's bicycles have crossbars?

 

If vegetarians eat vegetables what do humanitarians eat?

 

What is the purpose of that little ball on top of the flagpole?

 

Why isn't there mouse flavored cat food?

 

Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

 

Why do they call them straight jackets when they are never straight?

 

If 75% of all accidents occur within 5 miles of home, why not move 10 miles away?

 

Why is it that when you are driving and looking for an address you turn the radio down?

 

How does the guy who runs the snowplow get to work in the morning?

 

If a person kills their clone is it murder or suicide?

 

Can your face actually freeze while making ugly faces?

 

Why do they say new and improved? It can't be new if it was improved can it?

 

Why do they report power outages on TV?

 

Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?

 

If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?

 

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

 

If trailer parks didn't exist would tornadoes exist?

 

If WalMart is lowering prices daily, how come nothing in the store is free yet?

 

If you can't drink and drive why do gas stations sell beer?

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Why Women Cry

author unknown



A little boy asked his mother, 'Why are you crying?' 'Because I'm a woman,' she told him.


'I don't understand,' he said. His Mom just hugged him and said, 'And you never will.'


Later the little boy asked his father, 'Why does mother seem to cry for no reason?'


'All women cry for no reason,' was all his dad could say.


The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry.


Finally he put in a call to God. When God got on the phone, he asked, 'God, why do women cry so easily?'


God said:


'When I made the woman she had to be special.


I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world,yet gentle enough to give comfort


I gave her an inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times comes from her children.


I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going when everyone else gives up, and take care of her family through sickness and fatigue with out complaining.


I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances, even when her child has hurt her very badly.


I gave her strength to carry her husband through his faults and fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart.


I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly.


And finally, I gave her a tear to shed. This is hers exclusively to use whenever it is needed.'


'You see my son,' said God, 'the beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair.


The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart - the place where love resides.'



Monday, October 27, 2008

The Other Daughter


Author Maralee Ferrell

The blurb:

Susanne Carson knew she could trust the love of her life-her husband,David-until she discovered a strange, unkempt young girl on their doorstep,claiming to be David's daughter.Not that their marriage had ever been perfect-David's decision to embracethe Christian faith had strained their relationship. Susanne may not haveagreed with his beliefs, but at least she trusted him. Had David been hidingthis not-so-little secret from his past? Her husband wanted Susanne tobelieve in God, but believing hadn't done much to keep David out of anotherwoman's arms. What else could her husband be hiding?

What others say:

How does a wife deal with the sudden appearance of her husband's daughter that she never knew about? Miralee Ferrell's debut novel lays bare the emotions of broken trust and a marriage unequally yoked--and Ferrell does it with the perceptivity of a seasoned author. I found Susanne's emotions to be gut-wrenchingly honest and the spiritual thread believable. Too often in Christian fiction, the change in a character is forced. When Susanne seeks affirmation for her hurt from a friend, the advice she gets leaves her unsure. The gradual transition in Susanne is sparked by the faith of her young daughter, Megan, and the understanding of a family friend. Being a step-mother, I totally related to Susanne's emotions throughout the book. Ferrell hasn't pulled any punches in this hard hitting novel, and it receives this reviewer's highest recommendation. Ane Mulligan "writer and reviewer"

This was an awesome read, one that will stay with me for a long time to come, for it truly stirred my emotions right to the core of my existence.

This story was about a couple enduring trials through the unexpected arrival of a young girl at the front door. This young girl would change all their lives as the story unravels of who she is, and where she has come from. Their reactions and interactions as well as their inter most thoughts play out in a emotional drama that will make it hard for you set this book down as the story unfolds.

I felt it was the first book that I have read that really showed life from a Christian perspective. How, you ask? It showed the difficulties that people not only face in real life situations but also what we struggle with inwardly in our Christian walk. It clearly shows the different mind set between a believer and a non-believer and how that effects our relationships.

I highly recommend this book! It certainly sets a new stage for writers of Christian novels to attain. Excellent! Shirley Priscilla Johnson "Author/Reviewer"

My take:

A Story With Take-Away Value. I won't repeat what others have said. I saw Susanne grow as a Christian, as a wife, and then as a mother. This is a book I would read over again. It touched my heart. I will read more books by this author.

Friday, October 24, 2008

Washing Clothes

Author unknown:


Washing Clothes Recipe
Never thought of a "washer" in this light
before..what a blessing!'
Washing Clothes Recipe' -- imagine having a
recipe for this ! ! !

Years ago an Alabama grandmother gave the
new bride the following recipe:
This is an exact copy as written and found in an old
scrapbook - withspelling errors and all.

WASHING CLOTHES
Build fire in backyard to heat kettle of rain water.
Set tubs so smoke wont blow in eyes if wind is pert.
Shave one hole cake of lie soap in boilin water.
Sort things, make 3 piles
1 pile white,
1 pile colored,
1 pile work britches and rags.

To make starch, stir flour in cool water
to smooth, then thin down with boiling water.
Take white things, rub dirty spots on board, scrub hard,
and boil, then rub colored don't boil just wrench and starch.
Take things out of kettle with broom stick handle,
then wrench, and starch.
Hang old rags on fence.
Spread tea towels on grass.
Pore wrench water in flower bed.
Scrub porch with hot soapy water.
Turn tubs upside down.
Go put on clean dress, smooth hair with hair combs.
Brew cup of tea, sit and rock a spell
and count your blessings.
=======================================
Paste this over your washer and dryer
Next time when you think things are bleak,
read it again, kiss that washing machine and dryer,
and give thanks. First thing each morning
you should run and hug your washer and dryer, also
your toilet---those two-holers used to get mighty cold!
For you non-southerners -wrench means rinse. ;)

AND WE THOUGHT WE HAVE IT ROUGH

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Advice On Life
















from a friend:







May your troubles be less,





your blessings be more

And nothing but happiness come





through your door

Monday, October 20, 2008

Homicide at Blue Heron Lake

I met Susan Page Davis at the 2007 ACFW conference. We were in Colleen Coble's class and Susan helped me brainstorm a plot point in the novel I was working on at the time. I was glad to read this book which she co-authored with her daughter Megan Elaine Davis.

The blurb:

Emily Gray returns to the lakeside community of Baxter, Maine, expecting a peaceful week in her family's old island cottage. Instead, she and her high school crush, Nate Holman, discover the body of Henry Derbin, an elderly island resident. A few days later, Emily finds another body, buried more than a decade earlier, on Mr. Derbin's land. Can Emily and Nate overcome past hindrances to their romance while digging up clues that will help solve both murders?

What others say:

Heading back to her childhood home to get the lakeside cottage ready to sell turns out more difficult than Emily Grant anticipated. Finding a dead body with her long-ago crush, Nate Holman, then discovering another body twenty years dead, it seems like Emily's vacation is anything but. Disaster and mystery threaten the awakening of love. ~Cynthia Hickey

Emily Grant only came home to Baxter, Maine, to get the family cottage ready to sell. The first person she sees on returning is Nate Holman, her boyfriend from high school. Nate seems happy to see her, and Emily finds herself wondering what would have happened if she had stayed on the island that holds too many memories. Then Nate and Emily find the body of Henry Derbin, an elderly neighbor, who has been brutally murdered. The peace of the island has been shattered, and the police swarm around, asking questions. Then Emily finds another body, and this one has been dead for several years. The island becomes a dangerous place as Emily and Nate probe into the past uncovering secrets someone will do anything to hide.

Susan Page Davis always tells a good story, and this time she's collaborating with her daughter, Megan Elaine Davis. This is book one of the MAINEly Murder Mystery Series, and it's a good one. If you like romantic suspense, you'll like this new series
. ~ Barbara Warren


My take:

I always look for another relationship issue that hasn't jumped out at the others. What I found was an old school friend trying to find answers to her life questions seeking all kinds of spiritual avenues without finding peace until Emily shows her that she needs Christ in her life. The book ends with the always uplifting realization that God is in control.

Friday, October 17, 2008

Giraffe Test




1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?

Stop and think about it and decide on your answer before you read further.








The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe and close the door.

This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.







2 How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?






Did you say, open the refrigerator, put in the elephant and close the refrigerator?Wrong answer.



Correct answer: open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door.


This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions.














3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend, except one. Which animal does not attend?











Correct answer: the Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. You just put him in there. This tests your memory.

Okay, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance.






4. There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles, and you do not have a boat. How do you manage it?











Correct answer: you jump into the river and swim across. Have you not been listening? All the crocodiles are attending the animal meeting.



This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.



According to Anderson Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the professionals they tested got all the questions wrong, but many preschoolers got several correct answers.

Anderson Consulting says this conclusively disproves the theory that most professionals have the brain of a four-year-old.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

When A Soldier Comes Home . . .

author unknown

When a soldier comes home, he finds it hard....

...to listen to his son whine about being bored.



....to keep a straight face when
people complain about potholes.




to be tolerant of people who complain about the
hassle of getting ready for work.



...to be understanding when a co-worker
complains
about a bad night's sleep.



..to be silent when people pray to God for a new car.


...to control his panic when his
wife tells him
he needs to drive slower.


to be compassionate when a businessman
expresses a fear of flying.




...to keep from laughing when anxious
parents say they're afraid to send
their kids off to summer camp.



...to keep from ridiculing someone who
complains about hot weather.


...to control his frustration when a colleague
gripes about his coffee being cold.


...to remain calm when his
daughter complains
about having to walk the dog.



...to be civil to people who
complain about their jobs.


...to just walk away when someone
says they only
get two weeks of vacation a year.


...to be forgiving when someone
says how hard it is
to have a new baby in the house.



The only thing harder than being a Soldier..



Is loving one.




Monday, October 13, 2008

When The Nile Runs Red


I met DiAnn Mills at the Blue Ridge Conference this spring. She critiqued my writing and gave me a lot of encouragement. I'd been to Egypt, so this is the book I bought at the conference and asked her to sign.



The Blurb:

Two men,
one woman.
War-torn, disease-ridden Sudan.
One powerful God.

Paul Farid, who once persecuted the southern Sudanese, now loves the weary people whose lives have been destroyed by war.

Colonel Ben Alier has led his battle-hardened soldiers for two decades against the North, yet he pursues a relationship with his son even as his own demons pursue him.

Dr. Larson Kerr Farid works long hours caring for the sick, but fatigue and worry about her husband are taking their toll. And she’s just learned something that will make everything more complicated.

These three friends face constant danger as tensions escalate between the north and south, and as Paul’s family schemes to kill him and Larson. Will Paul and Larson bridge the gap that seems to grow between them? And will Ben find peace as more than a soldier?

DiAnn Mills introduces her many fans to the current struggle facing Sudan in this riveting account of war, ancient hatreds, love and God’s power. Sudan’s beauty and tragedy will pierce the soul of every reader

My Take:

I'm impressed by the character of Larson. Her grit and the way she cares for others. She is a worthy heroine. Paul, who had to give up his family to embrace the love of Christ, also won my heart. I highly recommend this book.

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Flying in a Sports Plane

My husband loves to travel. His favorite way to travel is by air, piloting his own plane. Let me introduce you to Charlie, our fifth plane. Our Sports Plane. By far the most fun. I learned to pack light. I learned to pack practically.  

For instance I have fibromyalgia and my legs and hips often ache something awful. So I need pillows. I made oblong rounded pillows, stuff them with soft under garments. That packs inside under my legs, which have to stretch forward in this vehicle.

Then I made a matching garment bag which I pack by putting dry cleaning bags over our clothes, inserting in the bag, and then rolling up the bag. You can see the hangers at the top of the garment bag.

 I don't go anywhere without my laptop and my c-pap machine. So how do we get it all inside?  Gary fills each side of the cargo area through these small doors.

Everything we really need gets packed into the plane, and off we go on another adventure. Everywhere we go dear husband is surrounded by people who want to know all abut Charlie. And so he tells them.


I'd love to hear from the wives of other private pilots. 

Friday, October 10, 2008

Happy Birthday To Me




Thank you for helping me celebrate my birthday!!

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

The Secret

author unknown
The Secret

One day, one friend asked another,

'How is it that you are always so happy?

You have so much energy,

and you never seem to get down.'

With her eyes smiling, she said,

'I know the Secret!'

'What secret is that?'

To which she replied,

'I'll tell you all about it,

but you have to promise to

share the Secret with others.'

'The Secret is this:

I have learned there is little I can do

in my life that will make me truly happy.

I must depend on God to make

me happy and to meet my needs.

When a need arises in my life,

I have to trust God to supply

according to HIS riches.

I have learned most of the time

I don't need half of what I think I do.

He has never let me down.

Since I learned that 'Secret', I am happy.'

The questioner's first thought was,

'That's too simple!'

But upon reflecting over her own life

she recalled how she thought a bigger house

would make her happy, but it didn't!

She thought a better paying job

would make her happy, but it hadn't.

When did she realize her greatest happiness?

Sitting on the floor with her grandchildren,

playing games, eating pizza or reading a story,

a simple gift from God.

Now you know it too!

We can't depend on people to make us happy.

Only GOD in His infinite wisdom can do that.

Trust HIM!

And now I pass the Secret on to you!

So once you get it, what will you do?

YOU have to tell someone the Secret, too!

That GOD in His wisdom will take care of YOU!

But it's not really a secret...

We just have to believe it and do it...

Really trust God!

Just Pass It On!


Thank you GOD for all things, we love you Father...Amen.

Monday, October 6, 2008

Lethal Deception

I was excited to win this book at the Christian Writers conference in the Blue Ridge mountains this spring. It was a good read.

The blurb:

Having rescued Cassidy McKnight from kidnappers in South America, Gabriel Sinclair thought his job was done. Not that the former NAVY SEAL could ever forget the brave, beautiful single mother. But when the danger followed her home, Gabe promised to protect her. Why anyone would want to kill Cassidy was a mystery. Was the motive related to the orphaned toddler Cassidy was raising, a sweet little girl who brought out the father figure in maverick Gabe? Or did a newly revealed family secret have killer consequences?

What others say:
Review by Jill Hart

Lethal Deception is a satisfying read that kept me intrigued until the end.

Lynette Eason's first novel, Lethal Deception is a fast-paced read that will keep you on the edge of your seat. Eason wastes no time getting into the action and by the end of the first chapter the characters are fully embroiled in the mystery.

Cassidy McKnight has been kidnapped while in South America. Her rescuer, Gabe Sinclair, has no idea what he's gotten himself into when he agrees to attempt her rescue. Cassidy makes it anything but easy to get away. She has a promise she intends to fulfill while there and Gabe must either accompany her or risk her being taken again.
When the trouble follows them, first within South America, and then at home, Gabe knows he must help to figure out who would want to kill her. The secrets that he's been withholding from her family about what happened to her brother don't make the situation any easier. Cassidy isn't sure she can ever forgive Gabe for keeping the truth from her and Gabe can't break his oath of confidentiality. Can they work together to find the killer or will they allow the wall between them to grow?
Faith plays a vital role in the book as Cassidy leans on her newfound faith to see her through. Gabe, on the other hand, has given up on God. Can this adventure bring him back to the faith that used to mean so much to him?

Lethal Deception is a satisfying read that kept me intrigued until the end. The twists and turns keep things interesting and the characters are strong and believable. Eason's fiction debut is a great start to her budding career. River Of Secrets, Eason's second book, will be out in August 2008 and the third in the series, Holiday Illusion, will be out in November 2008.

My take:

The family relations that tied into the story. Gabe knew the secret of her brothers death, but couldn't tell her. Cassidy didn't know if she could trust him if he wouldn't tell her how her brother died. Both are tied to honor and can't compromise their standards. I had to read page after page until I came to the end to find out if they could work things out to my satisfaction. They did.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Chocolate Party at ACFW

Last year I heard about the chocolate Party in Michelle Suttons room. Everyone is invited they said. So I bought a box of Dayton's finest ~ Esther Price Candy.

Then I was too shy to go. Sob! Rosanna and I had to eat the whole box ourselves!!!

But during the past year we met so many people and I decided not to miss it this year. So once again I bought a box of Dayton's finest~~ Esther Price chocolates. And left it in Michelle's room. (What was left of it!)


And I nibbled a little chocolate!

You never know just what you will see at the chocolate party!

Rachel and her shirt with the chocolate molecule

And at last, Rosanna and I tell our Lovely Hostess Good night!